The deeply entrenched saying ‘leave a room for disappointment’ goes to say that one should not love someone fully so as to prevent themselves from being disappointed again. This notion is usually borne out of the experiences of those who have failed to resolve their unfinished businesses successfully.In this post,i would like to argue that there is no such a thing as leaving a room for disappointment. It’s either you are in love or you are in fear.
First and foremost, people should know that rationality and emotionality do not co-exist. Love is an emotion and leaving a room for disappointment can be thought of as a rationalistic defence mechanism because a person uses logic to protect themselves from being disappointed again. Following this, it is reasonable to argue that one can not claim to love someone and to leave a room for disappointment at the same time as the two are not mutually exclusive. In other words, it’s either one is in love fully or they are afraid of loving or they are not in love at all.
This could explain why alot of people who believe in the notion of leaving a room for disappointment usually avoid doing things that could get them emotionally attached to their new partner, such as calling or texting them often, showing them so much care , sacrificing for them, thinking about them often,giving them costly gifts, just to mention a few.
Regardless of how much they try to feign loving their partners fully, they wonder why their partners complain of feeling rejected, unloved and emotionally distant from them. Perhaps this could be due to the fact that one’s beliefs and their actions are intricately intertwined. Hence their partners are able to see through their behaviour.
The bible in 2 Timothy 1:7 also provides evidence that backs up my claim that leaving a room for disappointment is a myth :
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” ( NKJV).
In light of this portion of scripture, it can be argued that when you are afraid of loving fully, then you are bound by the spirit of fear .Therefore, the spirit of love which is from God is not in in you, something which shows that fear and love are not mutually exclusive even from the biblical stand point.
Now that it is clear that there is no such a thing as leaving a room for disappointment, i would like you to take the courage of loving someone or your new partner fully.The following points will help you to do this:
1. Let God be the center of your relationship. Putting God at the center of your relationship will automatically knock out all the fears and doubts that you may have about your partner, thereby making it easy for you to love them fully. Please note that this does not mean merely confessing that God is at the center of your relationship, but it means having a firm belief or faith that He will protect you from external forces that may need to put you and your partner assunder.
2 . Learn to love yourself fully first. Your love for someone is often times a reflection of how you feel about yourself.
3. Resolve your unfinished businesses . This needs no further explanation as I explained it in my previous post.
4. Know that your new partner is different from your previous partner. No two people are the same,not even identical twins. Hence it is irrational to believe that your new partner will disappoint you the way your former did.
Apart from being a Mental health Practitioner, Mr Farai Mbundire is also a Researcher,Writers and a Mental health Lecturer.